on a brighter note, valueland had a 50% off sale a few days ago and i got some great nik-nacks.
today, joshua and i went to rescued treasures and i bought a gorgeous teared table. it is small and has some water damage on the top but the wood work was much too beautiful to pass up. joshua bought a four dollar type writer that is worth about a hundred. he wants to sell it on ebay, but i think he should wait until he gets his old writer working again.
also, i'm writing this from my macbook, which means that i finally broke down and bought a new cord for it. i'm very happy that i happened to wipe it before the cord broke. its a clean slate. new leaf. however you want to put it, i think that it is fantastic. rediscovery is so beautiful to me.
another dark note: i'm not sure if i'll be able to attend booker this fall.
i had planned pretty much my whole life around a student loan that no longer exists.
i have no way to pay for the college that i want to go to. its too late to sign up for community, not that i really want to go to community anyway. its just like highschool only further away.
i am getting terribly anxious to get up and going again. i feel like my life has been on pause this summer and i think thursday will be a nice slap in the face. twenty will wake me up from this dreamy-sleep-state that i've been stuck in.
today while at rescued treasures, an old woman asked if joshua and i were married. we laughed and told her that we might as well be. ever since i was a child i told myself that i was not going to get married until twenty six, or maybe thats what my papa told me. its the same difference, either way. however, lately i've felt as though i could be ready to be a true "grown up" before twenty six. i want my own beautiful apartment that my beautiful furniture can spread out in and "stretch their legs" so to say. i want open spaces and windows and sunlight and candle light and dinner parties and to play chess at night and do yoga in the morning and drink a cup of coffee from our new french press in my bright kitchen that looks out over a vast city landscape flowing and moving, even the streets practically breathing with their own life.
my bedroom has become dim, damp, and drab. everyday when i try to get dressed my clothes feel sticky on my body whether they are clean or not. my bed feels as though its been rained on. the clutter makes me want to pull my hair out.
joshua brought me home a frank sinatra record today. too bad i do not have a record player to play it on. i need to make a reasonable wish list.
i need to pay for college first.
too bad i don't have a grand lying around for a down payment.
i've been sewing little creatures lately. a few days ago i made a kitty with a lovely floral tea-time dress and a big lace bow-tie. the other day i began on an elephant with hopes of her being able to stand on all fours and be rode by another creature. she is not finished, but tomorrow is sunday which is always a great day to finish up projects.
i'd like to make a few really big creature-pillows for the couch that i do not have.
i'd like to invest in a love seat.
i really need to stop thinking so ahead in such silly ways.
i really need to think ahead in logical ways such as thinking of how i'm going to go to college.
1. sunday- finish elephant
2. monday- call nuvo for loan / grant information
3. tuesday- clean bedroom
4. wednesday- meet with ms. booker
5. thursday- turn twenty
6. friday- work. dance in grand rapids
7. saturday- work
8. sunday- work
9. monday- icecream with family for birthday
somewhere in there i should find a way to call my father.
he doesn't even know that i moved back home, i don't think.
my name is caitria ( "kay-tree-uh" ). i am most simply a child stuck in an ever growing body. i always have the urge for a change, the turn of a leaf, a fresh start, a new beginning. however, life continues to go on and will never start over. i constantly make new goals and have new to-do lists. i always need more space.
i love :
black tea & coffee with cream, cats & caterpillars, owls & octopuses, foxes & fawns, sits in parks & streets in the dark, sewing tiny things & to dance and sing.