i have a black and white affair to attend on saturday and i need to find something appropriate to wear.

the last few days have been really lovelylazy. hung out with some people that i haven't seen in a while, watched some movies at cassy's, and made some christmas presents.

oh i totally forgot that i have to make a birthday present for someone, as well.

my mum has surgery on monday. i'm really kind of nervous but am trying to keep my cool so its easy for her. i'm going to clean up the house again today and hopefully no boys mess it up like they do everyday.

whenever one chapter ends, another begins.
i intend on doing rather important things today.
i can't wait for spring.

i need a pen pal... and money for stamps.

ashby row held a christmas party this past friday. i was almost unable to go and almost died on the way.
it was a great time, anyway.

i really wish that i still had and could still fit in my tap shoes from when i was young and in dance.
i would probably wear them every day.

also, i made this skirt for the party with extra fabric i had from my halloween costume.
alyssa provided me with a zipper which is exposed in the back and crooked. oh well.


i haven't started on anyone's christmas present and i only have ten days to do so.
honestly, i just feel really uninspired.

true to december

today, joshua had a meeting downtown, so i picked alyssa up on the way to kill the time with me.
we went to the library to return our books. i checked out every book by helen oyeyemi that they had since i loved "white is witching" so much.
we took some pictures in the central park with all of the christmas characters. it brought back many memories from when i was a child and my mum would bring my brother and myself there.
its december third and it just decided to snow today. more like hail, really. i don't even mind, though. i feel prepared compared to last year when i had to wait out for the bus everyday in five feet of snow. there will be no bus waiting this year!!

also, in my spare time, i started on little foxy. she still doesn't have legs, but a few of my creatures don't. once i put a dress on them i loose interest.



my little brother and joshua are watching a very odd musical from the seventies that i guess won for best cinematography the year that it was released. granted, yes it is filmed well, its just a little corny for my liking. oh well. i have two books to read so i'm going to get on that. first, "The Icarus Girl"

Today Joshua and I tried working on our music project. It didn't go as well as planned since dinner interfered.
I think we're going to try again tomorrow. I wish it were easier to collaberate together. I think we both just have really different tastes in music and different ideas of what we want our sound to be. I know that the final project will be great, especially if he allows me to throw in the odd noises that I would love to. We're both just so damn picky.

We made bagel sandwiches for dinner and watched some music videos with my parents.
Oh, somewhere in there we went to rescued treasures. I found a huge cozy sweater and some broaches. I tried to buy Joshua a bright plaid shirt and a lovely blue blazer, but he said he would rathr go back later. He can be so goofy.

Anyway, now we're just sitting around watching adult swim.
I'm excited to get working again tomorrow.

I'm sorry this is such a boring post. I'm kind of having a cozy day, you know.

JUST SHAKE IT OFF.

bright side

autumn is coming to an end and winter is slyly moving in. this weekend i helped my mum put up our chistmas trees and decorations. the house feels so warm and cozy. i love the holidays so much and cannot wait for thanksgiving.




joshua has been in chicago all weekend and i've been going a little crazy. however, my room is super clean since i've had so much time to kill.
today, i spent the majority of my time laying around or blog surfing. i feel like reading other people's blogs and looking at other's pictures helps me find the beauty in my own life. like, i'm inspired just to look within myself, i guess. blog-reading did make me yearn for the warmth of summer, though. i hate that i always want whatever season it isn't. really though, i am looking forward to the snow a little bit, just not the cold.

also, i was looking for photoshop on my parent's computer today and i stumbled across this picture from when i was fifteen.
it so odd. when i was fifteen and in school, we were often asked where we saw ourselves in five years. five years later and i'm still in the same place, with the same person, in the same house, in the same body, and doing mildly similar things. at least, i kill time the same way. i think i've got to go.



oh, how i miss innocence... and having hair. i'm really going to try to grow it out this time. i've been saying it for years and normally when it gets to my shoulders i just cut it all off again. but not this time! i will be strong and so will my hair.

i should probably go to sleep, but i'm not very tiered and i've been a little freaked out by our house's ghost lately.
last night, for example, i was home alone for the first time in a while. as i sat in silence on the computer in our den, i heard a tapping noise. it sounded as though someone was standing on the opposite side of the wall and tapping their finger sporadically into it. i honestly don't think i've ever experienced anything creepier.

i'm glad that i burned a cd so that when i do go to bed i'll have something to listen to since my ipod refuses to work.

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today i'm babysitting, making a minifoxlady, fixing my mittens, and then going to go see new moon! i'm geeked.

i realized i never posted a single picture from halloween, soo here you go.

today, i'm supposed to be making a skirt out of some extra fabric that i have, but its not quite working out as planned since its pretty much scraps. i just need to figure out a different pattern, really.

all this weekend i hung out with joshua's family from north carolina.
they want us to move down there after winter. i hate to admit it, but i'm terribly frightened of such a big move. i love my family so much and being that far from them would be very difficult for me.
joshua and i had wanted to move over to chicago for a while, but i don't know if that would be a wise decision on our parts. of course, chicago would be fun, but it would not help us move forward in our lives. really, we just want to move to europe, so moving to chicago would just set us back.

anyway, its an absolutely beautiful day outside. i should probably get dressed since i'm still in pjs. and i should definitely get joshua out of bed so we can eat lunch together before he has to go downtown and whatnot.

oh! thats him just now.

i'll never post pictures because i don't have my own computer to upload them to anymore.
i'll never have an interesting friday because my friends can't ever wait anymore.

i have a problem with being too passive.

i'm slowly packing up the things in my room
which i should get back to doing before i have to go to work.
got to get in those two hours per-week!


ha

yesterday was absolutely beautiful. i'll post pictures later.
today, played some discgolf.
making dinner for mum. i'm super hungry and want to start now but she doesn't even get out of work for an hour.

the neighbor just came over and asked me to babysit on wednesday. fantastic. i could use the extra money and her two children are just adorable.

so is their cat, so i hope cat sitting is included.

i almost enjoy not having a computer anymore. i spend far less time doing nothing and much more time giggling and goofing around with joshua. i've kind of been feeling like a child, lately.

the manager at plumbs asked me what i was making for dinner today, since i'm such a regular (like more than once a day). i told her i was making dinner for my mom. she said "is she coming to your house?" oh... ummm "i still live with my mom." "what about.. your boyfriend?" uhh "yeah, him too."

i need to get out. i'm more than meant to be independent.
chicago? most likely.

ryan says we can do films.

yesterday was rather close to perfect.
made eggs in a basket for breakfast for joshua and myself followed by shower and yoga.
after getting ready for the day him and i went to some stores close by to turn in resumes. i'm crossing my fingers that Mango's around the corner from my house will be hiring soon.
when we came home i doodled for a while he read Ham on Rye and then my mum took me to see "Bright Star". I didn't love it for it moved a little too slow for my liking. However, i was moved enough by John Keat's poetry that i begged Josh to pick me up a book of his poetry if they have one at the library. if not, i'll take any poetry book.
after the movie i did some hand sewing since my machine refuses to work. now, my big comfy sweater is not too big.
late in the night we went up to plumbs to get ingredients for home-made hummus. i messed up and added WAY too much lemon, so until we get some more chickpeas it is uneatable.

Today, however, has not been so perfect. Joshua has to go downtown for probation and then is hanging out with Cory all day, leaving me home by myself until i have to go to work. My dad got mad at me for chipping a glass and said i had to replace it.
he also said some other things that mildly stressed me out, but i'm not going to go into that.

Oh, my mom's friend Laurie told me she would help me on my road to college life. fanfuckingtastic. cross your fingers that the world doesn't end, because i'll be really upset if i wasted the last two years of my life going to college instead of living.

i need to go pick my little brother up from school now.
its the weekend. hope for the best.

Very Important To Do:

1. be more optimistic
2. begin each day with bright eyes & yoga
3. never be short tempered with joshua
4. read all books
5. find another job as soon as possible
6. when no. 5 is completed, save all money for college
7. when no. 6 is completed, go to business school
8. never pretend that you don't know what you want
9. never watch television because you are bored
10. appreciate
11. learn french
12. do more laundry
13. be more cleanly
14. smile. be kind
15. when no. 1-15 are completed get a passport
16. when no. 15 is completed move across the atlantic.



my macbook is terribly confused and does not know where its hard-drive is located.
i caught an awful cold in chicago that my body cannot shake off.
i begin tomorrow. this is a new leaf.
i will no longer sit back and let myself do nothing.

i honestly feel like life is continually shoving metal down my throat. my body just cannot digest that sort of thing.

number one on my list of things "to do" today was fill out and bring in my Nuvo application. so, i'm on their website reading about, starting to fill out my application for financial aid, flipping from the fasfa page to the nuvo page, when i scroll down and read the fine print. "please enclose $115 for your registration fee." wonderful. thats my entire bank account and i'm going to chicago in three days. honestly, i would rather not even go anymore. its so expensive and stressful. we don't even know if we have a way there anymore. too bad i already spent forty dollars on a ticket.

if only i had a real job i could just go to booker as planned.

ugh. why oh WHY doesn't booker offer financial aid anymore?

am i just destined to never have any college degree?

certainly, it is possible to do what i want to do in my life without a degree, but it would be so helpful to have a REAL job while saving up to create my dream job.

funny that i call it my dream job. i've been having these dreams of this little coffee shop called "the generational cafe". i think the building that the cafe is in is called the generational, though. its very cozy inside and the coffee is always spiced with cinnamon just the way i like it.

joshua and i got into a conversation last night about how i always complain and never do anything about it. i think he is most definitely correct. i, however, tend to not be capable of fixing the things that i complain about most. i must have a mental block or something.

anyway. i'm done complaining. sorry thats all i really use my blog for ever.

time to do things that i've got to do.

... two hours later.

still, nothing.

i just don't understand.

well, actually, maybe i do:

i'm a difficult person.

The Coso Artifact

"While mineral hunting in the mountains of California near Olancha during the winter of 1961, Wallace Lane, Virginia Maxey and Mike Mikesell found a rock, among many others, that they thought was a geode - a good addition for their gem shop. Upon cutting it open, however, Mikesell found an object inside that seemed to be made of white porcelain. In the center was a shaft of shiny metal. Experts estimated that it should have taken about 500,000 years for this fossil-encrusted nodule to form, yet the object inside was obviously of sophisticated human manufacture. Further investigation revealed that the porcelain was surround by a hexagonal casing, and an x-ray revealed a tiny spring at one end. Some who have examined the evidence say it looks very much like a modern-day spark plug. How did it get inside a 500,000-year-old rock?"

source: www.ancientx.com

sweet, mike mikesell is totally my ancestor.

i really need

i really need to get organized. this is similar to a "to-do" list, but more of a "to-organize" list.

1. my life, since i often feel as though i'm going no where and i hate it.

2. my clothing, since i often feel as though i have nothing to wear and too many clothes

3. the things in my room ( really i should just put them in boxes )

4. my fabric ( scraps from sheets plain from prints etc. )

5. my entire room since it feels as though a hurricane has gone through

6. boxes i have yet to even unpack that are filled with useless things

7. memorabilia "pack rat" type things that i cannot force myself to get rid of

my mother has asked me to clean the house for her tomorrow.

hopefully i will do all of these things as well.

i've missed the view into

last week the view from the ruddiman creek bridge looked like this:

it was a lovely but cold day, that day with joshua and alyssa. a short little walk before alyssa and myself had to go into work. nothing went on friday. saturday was really fun however, stressful. this weekend, we take a break.

today, joshua and i went on a walk to visit alyssa at work. such a beautiful, bright, and sunny day.

this week, the view from the bridge has become warmer and redder. so lovely. i love the changing leaves.

the smell of dead leaves and rain

i often forget that i even have a blog to write in.

this past weekend was fantastic and this week has gone by quickly enough for it to be the weekend already again. today i drink coffee, hang out with alyssa, and go to work. tomorrow i go to my aunt's birthday party and to grand rapids once again.

its strange how much more excellent a place seems once you've moved away from it.

i'm an idiot. i found my camera on my desk today.

my bedroom is a terrible mess and i should really consider moving "cleanliness" up my priorities list. and move things such as my computer and adult swim down the list.

sometimes i think i have turned into the same person that my inner self frowns upon.

i'm nervous to visit chicago and spend all of the money that i'm going to save.

my hours got cut at work, so saving is going to be just that much harder.

i'd like to save up two thousand and then i will move.

i'm going to look into some scholarships or grants for school. i really wish that booker would have worked out as planned. i really feel like i had my whole life laid out in front of me and all of the sudden the road beneath my feet was just yanked out from under me.

i'm going to go to bed, hopefully wake up early, and accomplish something before work.

cabin fever

i'm quite tiered of not having my camera. more than anything, i'm upset with myself for loosing it. theres been so many moments that i've wished i had it, and so many things that i've yet to even have the change to take a photo of. maybe i'm just not meant to have nice things seems how my computer is constantly "getting sick" as i say. maybe its just time? i've had my macbook since december of 2006, and really i don't know how long the life-span is supposed to be of my computer. my family has had a desktop imac die out on us along with three mac monitors. maybe mac is just too good to be true?

i apologize for the mini-rant. the whole point of this was to have a mini-rant about how i wish i could stop and get coffee on the way to alyssa's house instead of having to gulp it down before i leave. i'd really like to move. my dad was talking to me about it yesterday after i came home with more nic-nacks ("junk" as he calls it) and asked "wouldn't you like somewhere to put all of your things?" why yes, father. more than anything. especially since every time i buy something new i imagine it in the apartment that i've built in my mind for myself.

i'm too old to live in my parent's basement.

i'm too behind in life not to.

oh, last and not least, i love rosa, but i hate her bike. i'd love to go for a smooth cruise on my beautiful yellow bike, but no. joshua take mine and i get stuck with little kid bike that my legs are much too long for. i feel like a giant in comparison to it. or at least, my bike does.

i haven't been able to take these boots off once since the deering ladies let me have them.

they are too perfect. too think that i almost spent two hundred dollars on a pair of docs?

unlucky, they say.

my camera is missing, and its probably my own fault.

i'm unable to go do what i want to tonight because i love my parents, and will not have them driving around smashed.

i think i'm getting sick. that part is alyssa's fault.

this last half hour before i leave for work has gone by painfully slow.

now that i know i'm not going, i just want to get the night over with.

bowlerama

surprisingly, last night was really enjoyable. joshua, alyssa, samantha and i went to sherman bowling alley due to my free game coupons. each and everyone of us hates bowling, but it was still fun. afterwards we played a game of pool and then sat in sam's car and listened to some music. joshua and i came home and watched some futurama before bed.

the weather is beautiful today. bright blue skies, soft breeze, and just hitting seventy. i have to appreciate these days because i know that they will be short lived, and winter is creeping around the corner. i need to invest in some warm boots since the leather ones i got from aldo last year have fallen apart. a few more pairs of thick tights would be nice as well, since i absolutely refuse to put away my skirts for the cold weather.

on another note, joshua would really like to get his and i's music project going, especially now that i've got my macbook working again. i had inspiration for a song last night while lying in bed and tried to record while he was away today. it didn't work out as i imagined, but i assume these things take time and i'm still not up to par on my recording skills.

seek and you shall find

tiered of trying to make blogger do what i want it to.

found my cord.

i think tumblr wins.

terrible

i cannot find my camera cord.

on a brighter note, valueland had a 50% off sale a few days ago and i got some great nik-nacks.

today, joshua and i went to rescued treasures and i bought a gorgeous teared table. it is small and has some water damage on the top but the wood work was much too beautiful to pass up. joshua bought a four dollar type writer that is worth about a hundred. he wants to sell it on ebay, but i think he should wait until he gets his old writer working again.

also, i'm writing this from my macbook, which means that i finally broke down and bought a new cord for it. i'm very happy that i happened to wipe it before the cord broke. its a clean slate. new leaf. however you want to put it, i think that it is fantastic. rediscovery is so beautiful to me.

another dark note: i'm not sure if i'll be able to attend booker this fall.

i had planned pretty much my whole life around a student loan that no longer exists.

i have no way to pay for the college that i want to go to. its too late to sign up for community, not that i really want to go to community anyway. its just like highschool only further away.

i am getting terribly anxious to get up and going again. i feel like my life has been on pause this summer and i think thursday will be a nice slap in the face. twenty will wake me up from this dreamy-sleep-state that i've been stuck in.

today while at rescued treasures, an old woman asked if joshua and i were married. we laughed and told her that we might as well be. ever since i was a child i told myself that i was not going to get married until twenty six, or maybe thats what my papa told me. its the same difference, either way. however, lately i've felt as though i could be ready to be a true "grown up" before twenty six. i want my own beautiful apartment that my beautiful furniture can spread out in and "stretch their legs" so to say. i want open spaces and windows and sunlight and candle light and dinner parties and to play chess at night and do yoga in the morning and drink a cup of coffee from our new french press in my bright kitchen that looks out over a vast city landscape flowing and moving, even the streets practically breathing with their own life.

my bedroom has become dim, damp, and drab. everyday when i try to get dressed my clothes feel sticky on my body whether they are clean or not. my bed feels as though its been rained on. the clutter makes me want to pull my hair out.

joshua brought me home a frank sinatra record today. too bad i do not have a record player to play it on. i need to make a reasonable wish list.

i need to pay for college first.

too bad i don't have a grand lying around for a down payment.

i've been sewing little creatures lately. a few days ago i made a kitty with a lovely floral tea-time dress and a big lace bow-tie. the other day i began on an elephant with hopes of her being able to stand on all fours and be rode by another creature. she is not finished, but tomorrow is sunday which is always a great day to finish up projects.

i'd like to make a few really big creature-pillows for the couch that i do not have.

i'd like to invest in a love seat.

i really need to stop thinking so ahead in such silly ways.

i really need to think ahead in logical ways such as thinking of how i'm going to go to college.

to do:

1. sunday- finish elephant

2. monday- call nuvo for loan / grant information

3. tuesday- clean bedroom

4. wednesday- meet with ms. booker

5. thursday- turn twenty

6. friday- work. dance in grand rapids

7. saturday- work

8. sunday- work

9. monday- icecream with family for birthday

somewhere in there i should find a way to call my father.

he doesn't even know that i moved back home, i don't think.

el waterford

I really wish that i would have taken pictures in east lansing during our ouija bored experience in the park. however, i didn't.