the smell of dead leaves and rain

i often forget that i even have a blog to write in.

this past weekend was fantastic and this week has gone by quickly enough for it to be the weekend already again. today i drink coffee, hang out with alyssa, and go to work. tomorrow i go to my aunt's birthday party and to grand rapids once again.

its strange how much more excellent a place seems once you've moved away from it.

i'm an idiot. i found my camera on my desk today.

my bedroom is a terrible mess and i should really consider moving "cleanliness" up my priorities list. and move things such as my computer and adult swim down the list.

sometimes i think i have turned into the same person that my inner self frowns upon.

i'm nervous to visit chicago and spend all of the money that i'm going to save.

my hours got cut at work, so saving is going to be just that much harder.

i'd like to save up two thousand and then i will move.

i'm going to look into some scholarships or grants for school. i really wish that booker would have worked out as planned. i really feel like i had my whole life laid out in front of me and all of the sudden the road beneath my feet was just yanked out from under me.

i'm going to go to bed, hopefully wake up early, and accomplish something before work.

cabin fever

i'm quite tiered of not having my camera. more than anything, i'm upset with myself for loosing it. theres been so many moments that i've wished i had it, and so many things that i've yet to even have the change to take a photo of. maybe i'm just not meant to have nice things seems how my computer is constantly "getting sick" as i say. maybe its just time? i've had my macbook since december of 2006, and really i don't know how long the life-span is supposed to be of my computer. my family has had a desktop imac die out on us along with three mac monitors. maybe mac is just too good to be true?

i apologize for the mini-rant. the whole point of this was to have a mini-rant about how i wish i could stop and get coffee on the way to alyssa's house instead of having to gulp it down before i leave. i'd really like to move. my dad was talking to me about it yesterday after i came home with more nic-nacks ("junk" as he calls it) and asked "wouldn't you like somewhere to put all of your things?" why yes, father. more than anything. especially since every time i buy something new i imagine it in the apartment that i've built in my mind for myself.

i'm too old to live in my parent's basement.

i'm too behind in life not to.

oh, last and not least, i love rosa, but i hate her bike. i'd love to go for a smooth cruise on my beautiful yellow bike, but no. joshua take mine and i get stuck with little kid bike that my legs are much too long for. i feel like a giant in comparison to it. or at least, my bike does.

i haven't been able to take these boots off once since the deering ladies let me have them.

they are too perfect. too think that i almost spent two hundred dollars on a pair of docs?

unlucky, they say.

my camera is missing, and its probably my own fault.

i'm unable to go do what i want to tonight because i love my parents, and will not have them driving around smashed.

i think i'm getting sick. that part is alyssa's fault.

this last half hour before i leave for work has gone by painfully slow.

now that i know i'm not going, i just want to get the night over with.

bowlerama

surprisingly, last night was really enjoyable. joshua, alyssa, samantha and i went to sherman bowling alley due to my free game coupons. each and everyone of us hates bowling, but it was still fun. afterwards we played a game of pool and then sat in sam's car and listened to some music. joshua and i came home and watched some futurama before bed.

the weather is beautiful today. bright blue skies, soft breeze, and just hitting seventy. i have to appreciate these days because i know that they will be short lived, and winter is creeping around the corner. i need to invest in some warm boots since the leather ones i got from aldo last year have fallen apart. a few more pairs of thick tights would be nice as well, since i absolutely refuse to put away my skirts for the cold weather.

on another note, joshua would really like to get his and i's music project going, especially now that i've got my macbook working again. i had inspiration for a song last night while lying in bed and tried to record while he was away today. it didn't work out as i imagined, but i assume these things take time and i'm still not up to par on my recording skills.

seek and you shall find

tiered of trying to make blogger do what i want it to.

found my cord.

i think tumblr wins.

terrible

i cannot find my camera cord.

on a brighter note, valueland had a 50% off sale a few days ago and i got some great nik-nacks.

today, joshua and i went to rescued treasures and i bought a gorgeous teared table. it is small and has some water damage on the top but the wood work was much too beautiful to pass up. joshua bought a four dollar type writer that is worth about a hundred. he wants to sell it on ebay, but i think he should wait until he gets his old writer working again.

also, i'm writing this from my macbook, which means that i finally broke down and bought a new cord for it. i'm very happy that i happened to wipe it before the cord broke. its a clean slate. new leaf. however you want to put it, i think that it is fantastic. rediscovery is so beautiful to me.

another dark note: i'm not sure if i'll be able to attend booker this fall.

i had planned pretty much my whole life around a student loan that no longer exists.

i have no way to pay for the college that i want to go to. its too late to sign up for community, not that i really want to go to community anyway. its just like highschool only further away.

i am getting terribly anxious to get up and going again. i feel like my life has been on pause this summer and i think thursday will be a nice slap in the face. twenty will wake me up from this dreamy-sleep-state that i've been stuck in.

today while at rescued treasures, an old woman asked if joshua and i were married. we laughed and told her that we might as well be. ever since i was a child i told myself that i was not going to get married until twenty six, or maybe thats what my papa told me. its the same difference, either way. however, lately i've felt as though i could be ready to be a true "grown up" before twenty six. i want my own beautiful apartment that my beautiful furniture can spread out in and "stretch their legs" so to say. i want open spaces and windows and sunlight and candle light and dinner parties and to play chess at night and do yoga in the morning and drink a cup of coffee from our new french press in my bright kitchen that looks out over a vast city landscape flowing and moving, even the streets practically breathing with their own life.

my bedroom has become dim, damp, and drab. everyday when i try to get dressed my clothes feel sticky on my body whether they are clean or not. my bed feels as though its been rained on. the clutter makes me want to pull my hair out.

joshua brought me home a frank sinatra record today. too bad i do not have a record player to play it on. i need to make a reasonable wish list.

i need to pay for college first.

too bad i don't have a grand lying around for a down payment.

i've been sewing little creatures lately. a few days ago i made a kitty with a lovely floral tea-time dress and a big lace bow-tie. the other day i began on an elephant with hopes of her being able to stand on all fours and be rode by another creature. she is not finished, but tomorrow is sunday which is always a great day to finish up projects.

i'd like to make a few really big creature-pillows for the couch that i do not have.

i'd like to invest in a love seat.

i really need to stop thinking so ahead in such silly ways.

i really need to think ahead in logical ways such as thinking of how i'm going to go to college.

to do:

1. sunday- finish elephant

2. monday- call nuvo for loan / grant information

3. tuesday- clean bedroom

4. wednesday- meet with ms. booker

5. thursday- turn twenty

6. friday- work. dance in grand rapids

7. saturday- work

8. sunday- work

9. monday- icecream with family for birthday

somewhere in there i should find a way to call my father.

he doesn't even know that i moved back home, i don't think.